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May 4, 2009
Sunshine in a Pill
I just had my first thorough physical examination by a doctor since I retired my title as The Amy Winehouse of Dupont Circle three years ago.
The good news: I am in excellent health.
The bad news: While I was standing as he examined my testicles, I found myself instinctively and suggestively rubbing my nipples like this. AWKWARD! I'm not kidding. Luckily I caught myself and stopped. Then I laughed at what I had just done, which also wasn't appropriate considering he was checking for cancer lumps.
The only minor issue he found after reviewing my blood work was a Vitamin D deficiency. I was like, "Fuck you, liar. I eat carrots. Lots of them. In fact I eat so many, Rob says I was most likely a rabbit in a past life. What's up (with that), Doc?" He said, "You may get a lot of Vitamin D from vegetables, fool. But you're missing the necessary Vitamin D largely dispensed to us from the sun."
"It's not my fault it's cloudy all the time lately. I've stood outside on my patio looking up at the sky and tried blowing really hard to get them to move, but they won't budge."
He assured me that a lot of his clients are suffering from the same deficiency lately, and that, he too, has the same problem. He put me on a prescription for Vitamin D. It's basically sunshine in a pill. Is there anything they can't put in a pill these days?!? They should totally make a pill with air-conditioning. Or maybe a pill to combat bad manners and diva complexes. That would be cool. I would hand them out to certain people I run into at gay functions.
I'm supposed to take one a week for two months. If I abused the pills and took four at one time, I wonder if I would get sunburn. Hmmm.
If that's the only health issue I've got these days, I'll gladly take on this minor vitamin disorder.
Posted by durban bud at May 4, 2009 2:01 PM
Comments
Do you realize you are alienating more than half your readers by wishing for a pill to combat "diva complexes"? I shudder to think how dreary this world would be without Veronica Blake or Charlene Hilton!
I DO think you should get out in the sun more. Now that Summer is approaching... get out and ride your bike all over DC.
Posted by: brettcajun at May 4, 2009 5:02 PM
The best thing is that now the sun really will shine out yo' ass!
Posted by: matticus at May 4, 2009 6:06 PM
You can always drink milk.
Posted by: Joe Daquino at May 4, 2009 9:18 PM
If I remeber correctly, sunshine in a pill has been available in the nightclub scene for years, hasn't it?
I figure you'd better stick to the prescribed amount - internal sunburn can't be much fun.
Posted by: The Mutant at May 4, 2009 11:51 PM
I live in Seattle and work the graveyard shift in a digital darkroom underground. I am transluscent. I take vitamin D 3 times a day and I speak from experience, it will improve your quality of life.
Posted by: jeremy at May 5, 2009 4:18 AM
Charlene says "Durban Bud can Suck It!"
Posted by: jimbo at May 5, 2009 10:55 AM
Seriously? A pill because you aren't out in the sun enough? Eventually the rain is going to stop and you will be able to get some real sunshine, you know.
"If I abused the pills and took four at one time, I wonder if I would get sunburn." made me LOL!
Posted by: Mark in DE at May 5, 2009 5:37 PM
When my grandparents were kids, they took cod liver oil, which apparently contains something that the body could use to synthesize Vitamin D.
Also:
The flavor!
Posted by: Aaron at May 5, 2009 6:49 PM
Aaron -
My dad went through a phase when we were growing up in which he made the entire family take a spoonful of cod liver oil every day. I have no idea what cod liver oil actually does...all I remember is the taste. Oh and the cod liver oil burps that accompany the user through the day. DEELIGHTFUL!
Posted by: Boomer at May 6, 2009 9:21 AM
Sunshine in a bottle...nice...for a little extra sunshine...check out my blog (just click on my name) called Personal Development and Growth, Your Guide to Self-Improvement and Personal Growth- it's worth checking out and thought I would share! I'm trying to not just make new friends but also help friends, new and old alike. Take care!
Posted by: Bryan at May 6, 2009 10:36 AM
...or come to Mexico for a little sun, or lots of it. Ask Homer and Jimbo.
Posted by: Angel at May 6, 2009 4:27 PM
Mmmm, nipplework at the doctor's office!
Posted by: Cb at May 6, 2009 5:55 PM
BrettCajun and Jimbo are such sweeties, you, Mr. Durban Bud are DIVA-phobic! Even if there were such a pill, I would not take it. Why change the way that I was born? I didn't chose to be a DIVA .... I (like Charlene) were born ... selected .... ordained ... crowned to be DIVAs ... whether you like it or not. We aren't going anywhere ... Now, take your hand away from your mouth and put it back on your nipples and rub away while I go try to find other nude pictures of you to further discredit your false, evil-intended speech.
V
Posted by: Veronica Blake at May 7, 2009 11:54 AM
Been having some lack of sun issues myself. Can I get those pills without a rx?
Posted by: 'stina at May 7, 2009 12:02 PM
Find a new doctor.
He should know better than anyone that Vitamin D pills do not being to cover the amount you need - and giving you the amount you need in pill form is dangerous.
WHEN there is sun out - you need 15-20 minutes of exposure per day. That is really the only way to get what you need.
Posted by: Blobby at May 8, 2009 8:03 PM
I go outside and I still need to take 4x the recommended daily amount to get barely normal. Some people just have a really hard time making/absorbing it. Most people have enough stored in their system to last months if not years. If you're only taking one a week you either have an extremely mild case or you're taking a golf ball sized pill. Vit D does lots of wonderful things but one of the most important is allowing your body to absorb calcium.
Posted by: Robguy at May 29, 2009 1:35 AM