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June 25, 2009
Young Brettcajun
Posted by durban bud at 1:38 PM | Comments (19)
June 24, 2009
Glee
I don't know who she is, but she smiled and smiled throughout the tragic press conference. Atta girl! The hypocrisy is becoming laughable, innit?
You can watch her giggle here.
Posted by durban bud at 6:57 PM | Comments (6)
June 22, 2009
I [Made Love To] Your Boyfriend
Too much?
Posted by durban bud at 5:40 PM | Comments (14)
June 14, 2009
Snake Pride
Posted by durban bud at 10:40 PM | Comments (23)
June 12, 2009
Dudes In Brown Flip Flops
Ahahahaharlington!
Posted by durban bud at 12:54 PM | Comments (7)
June 8, 2009
The Lettuce Nazi
We went to the farmers market over the weekend. I like telling people I went to the farmers market because it makes me feel like I am better than them. "Oh, you got your produce at Safeway? I got mine at the farmers market, where it's fresher, free of pesticides, and I know that I'm helping financially support our hardworking local farmers. But you go ahead and enjoy your Safeway tomatoes." See?
Lately we've been taking our camera to the farmers market to document our awesomeness for all of our Facebook friends to behold. That's what most gay guys do in their 30's and 40's; they take artsy photos of pretty things to prove how much better their double-income/no-kids life is compared to your dreary suburban family hell. We have more time than you have to observe the subtle exquisite beauty of, say, the stamens on a tigerlily because you are simply too busy changing another diaper to notice such things. Pity, really.
Oh, I'm just kidding! But it is a theory.
We ran into some trouble, though. While Rob was photographing the crispness of some fresh lettuce, a woman resembling Marcie from Peanuts reprimanded him with, "You're NOT allowed to take pictures of the produce. You need to get permission."
Uh-oh.
I put my hand over my mouth and gave her my best "nobody puts baby in the corner" look. Then I counted down to Rob Rage in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
"Are you serious?" Rob asked.
"It's extremely rude to take photos of our stuff without permission. You need to ask [some hippie] if it's okay," Marcie snapped.
Gird your loins!
"This is a public place. I can take photos of whatever I want," Rob said.
They quarreled a bit more as I pretended to inspect the firmness of a zucchini, until an exasperated Rob said, "Fine. Let's get out of here, TJ. We'll buy our lettuce elsewhere!"
I shot back a look at Marcie that read, "Yeah, we're gonna get our lettuce elsewhere." I threw the zucchini down hard to show her I meant business.
This, of course, rattled Rob for the rest of our time at the market. We asked some of the other farmers if they would be pissed if we just started taking photos of their stuff, and they all said, "Of course not, you don't need permission. Go ahead, do whatever you want."
I tried to calm Rob down by using his own advice against him. Whenever someone pisses me off, and I'm in the process of purchasing a taser from an underground online store, he says, "You're giving that person too much power, don't let them have that much control over you." So I repeated that nugget of wisdom back to him. His response? "This is different!" Of course it is.
"Just wait until I leave a comment on Yelp about The Lettuce Nazi," he warned. He then proceeded to stand directly in front of the perpetrator and snapped photos of her. Nobody puts baby in the corner. I stood from a distance and sniffed the basil.
To get his mind on other things we went to Yogato.
What the hell is up with all these trendy yogurt places suddenly popping up everywhere? It's like a bunch of people got together and said, "You know how all the TCBY's are going out of business cuz no one cares about frozen yogurt anymore? Yeah, well let's take all the flavors out of the frozen yogurt, put it in a bowl and add toppings to it instead! People will eat that shit up!" And they are. I suspect this trend will last four more years. Remember all the mom & pop smoothie stores that opened up in 1996? Eeeexactly.
We ran into Jimbo while eating our "tangy" yogurt with kiwi slices on top. He and I agreed to see "Drag Me To Hell" the following night.
It was a weeknight, and the movie's not doing that well at the box-office. Surely it won't be crowded at the Gallery Place Cinemas downtown, so what could possibly go wrong?
The theater quickly filled up with teenagers. And Jimbo has an aversion to text messaging.
Before the movie started there were three notices on the screen to put your cell phones away. Naturally the teenage girl a few seats away from Jimbo did not comply with this rule immediately.
Uh-oh.
I noticed him shoot a couple dagger glares in her direction as she texted away. I can understand this. I feel the exact same way when someone is chomping their popcorn during a movie. Most people do not realize they are chomping so loudly, BUT I DO. I will fixate on it to the point where I am tuning out the movie and imagining how they can go through life unaware that they are half-goat. I realize my issue is somewhat irrational, which is why I rarely tell someone to tone down their excessively loud chomping volume.
After the third tense glare at text-messaging girl, Jimbo got up and walked over to the offender.
Uh-oh.
I heard her say something about "rude" and "go sit back down." She was with a guy I can only describe as Eminem-ish, who pointed at Jimbo and said something like, "You needs to apologize."
Jimbo sat back down while the rest of the theater had turned around to watch our reality show. "Oh, hi everybody!" I waved with jazz hands. Then I pretended to search for Rasinettes in a non-existent box.
After staring in our direction for awhile Eminem got up and left the theater. He's going to get a gun. Five minutes later he returned with a number of theater employees, all walking in our direction with flashlights. Thanks Jimbo!
An employee walked into our aisle, sat next to Jimbo and took his deposition, all while the movie played in the background. Apparently Eminem TOLD ON Jimbo for asking the girl to put away her phone in a rude manner. Jimbo said he asked her nicely. The theater mediator then talked to the offended offenders again and left.
Ten minutes later the manager came into the theater to get a follow-up deposition. I'm thinking, wow, I have no idea what's going on in this horror movie, and we are likely going to be the ones who die at the end of it. Fun stuff!
Jim asserted his version of the event to her. I was hoping she would have moved us into a bulletproof area of the theater for safe viewing, but that did not happen. We were seated the remainder of the film next to the people who called the theater police on the man I chose to attend a silly movie with. I think this definitely warrants one of these: AWKWARD!
It didn't help that everyone around us talked and yelled out things to the screen for the remainder of the movie, thus completely nullifying any good it did to stop one person from causing an unnecessary disturbance .
I can't wait to see what actually happened in this film when it's on DVD!
Luckily the offended offenders left as soon as the credits rolled, nor were they waiting for us in the lobby or the metro like I had expected. At least not yet.
Drag me to hell, indeed.
Posted by durban bud at 11:44 PM | Comments (32)
June 5, 2009
Have You Really Ever Loved A Woman?
We had a special guest staying at our home last weekend -- Rob's ex-girlfriend. And by girlfriend, I mean a real honest-to-God woman. Love her!
When I first met Rob they were dating. A year later he was dating me. Awkward! I realize I've been overusing the word awkward lately, but it's really a wonderful and simple way to explain my daily life.
It was never really awkward with her, though. She was completely understanding. I'm sure it wasn't easy but she handled the whole thing with grace and empathy.
He was in the process of coming out when I was introduced to both of them. It was a full year before I came into the picture as his gurlfriend.
We ended up as close friends and eventually attended her wedding to an authentic heterosexual man (I hope!) five years later.
Fast forward nine years after the wedding and she's crashing at our place while in town for work.
I never had a long-term relationship with a woman. I dated a few while in my teens -- and by dated, I mean we went to the mall and shopped at Spencer's and Chess King.
It seems about half of my gay friends had serious girlfriends/wives back when they were closeted. Fascinating!
Just tell me, have you ever really, really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me.
Posted by durban bud at 12:15 AM | Comments (26)
June 1, 2009
BREAKING: Bitterness May Be A Mental Disorder!
It all makes sense now! Let's hope it's treatable, like insomnia is with daily workouts, meditation and the occasional Ambien.
According to the LA Times:
"'[The Bitterers] feel the world has treated them unfairly. It's one step more complex than anger. They're angry plus helpless,' says Dr. Michael Linden, a German psychiatrist who named the behavior.
"This [bitter] behavior is so common -- and so deeply destructive -- that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder."
I concur!
"Embittered people are typically good people who have worked hard at something important, such as a job, relationship or activity, Linden says. When something unexpectedly awful happens...a profound sense of injustice overtakes them. Instead of dealing with [the issue] with the help of family and friends, they cannot let go of the feeling of being victimized. Almost immediately after the traumatic event, they become angry, pessimistic, aggressive, hopeless haters."
OH NOES! I know some people afflicted with this unfortunate condition! WOW. But, it seems to me it doesn't always take a tragic event to pop their bitter cherry. Hmm. Should I send them some literature on this, or would that be rude?
What about those of us who are subjected to The Bitterers' passive-aggressive scorn, self-righteous hissing and death stares? We are suffering as well. Is there a pill for us, too?
Oh, I kid! I don't know anyone like that in DC.
But Bitterness isn't the only newly discovered "mental disorder" being discussed by psychiatrists these days.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the shrink's bible, is finally getting an update from its 1994 version. Some contenders seeking inclusion in DSM-V:
Internet addiction disorder
apathy disorder
compulsive buying disorder
compulsive pathological overeating
hoarding
premenstrual dysphoric disorder
and:
partner relational problem -- "a pattern of interaction between spouses or partners characterized by negative communication (criticisms, for example), distorted communications (such as unrealistic expectations) or non-communication (withdrawal)."
Fascinating!
I wonder if a hoarder reads my blog. I won't judge, promise!
It should be noted that a lot of these newly labeled conditions are controversial and that many doctors consider them merely to be different variations of already established mental disorders.
As a psych geek I find this stuff interesting. If you don't find it interesting, I diagnose you as bitter.
Anyway, since this is the start of Gay Pride Month I thought I would pass along this relevant historical information to get the party started right. Take note, young gays -- treat bitterness now rather than later. Happy Pride!
Posted by durban bud at 10:42 PM | Comments (11)