October 14, 2009
Paranormal Activity
I was rocking out for equality here. The people in front of me were not. They have that look on their face of someone who accidentally stumbles upon my blog and finishes reading one of my posts and makes a mental note to never ever do that again.
Lots of people were shouting the usual call and response chants during the march. I tried to change things up and get people to shout my inspirational pro-sodomy limerick I wrote specifically for the march. But no one played along except for Mister Fister. In fact some dude had the audacity to tell me I "was making gay people look bad with that song." I was like, "You're the one wearing jean shorts in 2009 in front of thousands, so really, who's doing more damage?"
Despite that, this march was the most positive event of its kind that I've been to. I know some anti-gay protesters were there but this was the first time I never saw them. They're losing their members willing to publicly be dicks to us. I was expecting to see signs saying the apocalypse was near and that gays will next be demanding to legally marry their iPhones or some such nonsense.
Lots of straights marched with us, lots of kids, lots of everybody. Yay!
The only thing I thought was cheesy was when Starship reunited at the march rally to perform the equality-themed "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" featuring a completely unnecessary "rap" by Queen Latifah midway though the song. I guess Barney Frank pissed off some people for saying the march was a waste of time. So, of course, she targeted him with lyrics that went something like:
Fuck Barney Frank
Your shit done stank
You an Uncle Tom
Prolly work for NOM
How now brown cow
Ain't nothin' gonna stop us now
Dreadful. That's all I could remember from her performance. But other than that the whole day was perfect!
We all went to see Paranormal Activity over the weekend. I usually avoid seeing hyped-up films on their opening weekends, especially when they are only playing in 150 theaters around the country. But the hype had such control over me I couldn't resist.
We arrived early enough for the 9:10 showing to score some great seats. So we're sitting there watching the theater fill up with people. And then, as the start time was quickly approaching, I saw something troubling out of the corner of my eye coming into the auditorium. A baby stroller. Oh, hail no. Keep pushing that thing through the emergency exit, please. Then, behind the woman pushing the stroller were two enthusiastic toddlers. Seriously? An R-rated HORROR FILM? At a late showing? Have Child Protective Services been notified? Naturally the woman and an adult male escorted their brood AND STROLLER in my direction. I put on my best death stare that Jimbo taught me. It seemed to work as they chose two rows behind me, but the group of kids sitting directly in front of them weren't having it. They moved completely to the other side of the theater. That's when another woman holding HER baby entered the auditorium and sat right in front of them. Is it Bring your Tired Infant to a Crowded Theater to Sit for a Couple Hours Night? Worse, I thought, were the two toddlers who will be eternally traumatized after the movie because they will at least understand some of the movie. Awkward! But I was feeling all equality and shit so I refused to judge them any further.
Anyway, I liked the movie. It's really low-budget and slow with Blair Witch-like cinematography. It's certainly not your typical gore-fest scary movie. But it was original and creepy and fun to see with a group of friends in a packed theater of crying babies and toddlers. It probably scared me more than it should because Stina kept screaming and jumping at certain points, causing me to choke on my pretzel and almost pass out. Good times!
* It is my duty to inform you that all photos featured here were taken by Stina and Rob.
Posted by durban bud at 10:53 PM | Comments (9)
August 24, 2009
This Post Is To Inform You That I, Too, Have Seen District 9
Like discussing the latest episode of "True Blood," or ranting about the disturbing spectacle that is the new A&E hit show "Hoarders," or bragging about vacationing in "P-town" this month, it is my homosexual duty to inform you via a social networking platform that I have also seen the film District 9. And the film has restored my faith in the science fiction cinema arts. Best sci-fi syfy action film I've seen since, um, maybe, Aliens.
I went to see it with a gaggle of homosexuals: Rob, Mister Fister, our (Jewish) friend Greg, and our former houseboy Carlos, along with his latest sex partner friend.
District 9 was thoroughly enjoyable. Dark screenplay with intelligent dialogue that thankfully avoided cheesy testosterone one-liners we've all grown accustomed to hearing. Great performances throughout. The casting of unknown actors was genius. No stars to detract attention or hog the screen for a change. Several fresh faces to admire and later stalk on Google.
For a mere $30 million dollar picture I was truly impressed by the visual effects. I'm not a fan of CGI because it often ends up looking like a video game alongside real actors. Fake! With the exception of one scene with a pig, the effects were -- let me think of another superlative -- great amazing fabulous brilliant. I want to see the "making of" on the DVD to see how they created the aliens to look so believable when interacting with the humans. At times it seemed like there had to be actors in alien suits but then we'd get a glimpse of their legs, which were too damn thin and tall to be attached to real actors, unless maybe they hired Ric Ocasek to play every alien. Uh-oh, it's MAGIC!
For the two of you willing to read on and indulge my rare moment of geeking out over a movie, I thank and applaud you.
Here's what I think: The aliens were a metaphor for The Gays. They were thought of as scum sucking vermin, forced to dwell in segregated squalor (Fire Island?) among other undesirables deemed unworthy of integrating with the Normal People. The aliens were derisively referred to as fags prawns because of their facial similarities to the hideous, but tasty, bottom feeders of the sea. A wink wink nudge nudge to the book of Leviticus, perhaps? God hates shrimp too, right? The prawns spoke in their own hard-to-understand language, similar to a Barney Frank lisp. All of the aliens were body-obsessed as evidenced by their 0% body fat appearance. They also scavenged and enthusiastically devoured cat food, which -- hello! --was obviously gay symbolism for seeking out a fabulous place for "brunch," or more specifically, "vodka."
After they were taken from their damaged mothership, the prawns simply desired to be treated with respect. They had intelligence; they had feelings; they had families. Sure, some of them exhibited gross, vulgar and obnoxious behavior at times but so do Perez Hilton, Mario Cantone, Larry Craig and "Jackal." No one society is immune from douchebaggery. The aliens didn't seek to change anyone's way of life. All they wanted was to return to their own safe world to be amongst those who shared in their uniqueness.
Nobody is reading this, are they?
Anyway, an evil company with shades of Blackwater was awarded the contract to relocate the millions of displaced prawns, but instead, they used the opportunity to steal the aliens' highly-advanced weaponry arsenal and randomly subject them to lethal medical studies (a common modern-day heterosexual tactic used to rid the gays after we've gentrified a shitty neighborhood and they're now itching to move in).
Heading up the mission was Wikus van der Merwe. After harassing several prawns by ransacking their homes looking for contraband, Wikus became infected with the alien's DNA or jizz or something after he opened a canister he found and it ejaculated on him. This exposure caused him to start physically changing into an alien. He was repulsed! He so desperately tried to deny this awakening inside of him. What would other normal people think if he became one of them?!? What would his wife think?!?
Clearly this was meant to suggest that he became infected with a dose of "reality" because he had probably been repressing his sexual orientation for some time and now his secret was bursting out of him. The man's first confirmation of becoming "one of them" was when his hand transformed into an alien hand. Like a gay man's first acceptance of another man all up inside him, thereby acknowledging as fact that he is indeed "one of them," the hand served as this same acknowledgment. And based on his facial expression, it was just as uncomfortable to endure the first time.
He sought the help of someone who would understand his predicament: a prawn named Christopher. Again, who uses their full first name? That's right, gay aliens do. The prawn wasn't interested in helping the man responsible for legislating discrimination into law tormenting his own people. But the alien's sensitive nature to another living being's pain could not be suppressed. The man now depended on the alien for his survival, and the alien needed him to be freed from this discriminatory hell. Wikus' intolerant perspective began to shift once he identified with the aliens as equals. This was his a-ha moment.
If you're still reading, I love you.
Together Wikus and Christopher fought a bloody battle against the bigoted majority. Whether or not Wikus was truly gay or bi or "experimenting" was irrelevant. The point was that he identified with the aliens, and that the minority depended on the empathetic ones seemingly of the majority to assist in their struggle for basic fairness and respect. The aliens cannot do it all on their own. They need humans to help educate the unenlightened humans.
When the aliens are treated as equals in all facets of life they will look back with admiration at those who stuck their necks out when it wasn't the popular thing to do. Like Whoopi Goldberg said to Sissy Spacek after she publicly supported and assisted the blacks during the Montgomery Bus Boycott at the end of "The Long Walk Home," "When all's said and done, people gonna look back at [what] you [did for us], Ms. Thompson, and they're gonna say you were part of this."
And that's why the alien promised to come back to Earth and rescue the helpful human from the inevitable tyranny of the majority he will soon face. One love, bro.
Or maybe the movie was about apartheid or Arabs or something.
Surprisingly the rest of the crew we saw it with didn't think as highly of the film as Rob and I did. On the way out of the theater, Carlos scoffed, "I thought '27 Dresses' was better," proving that none of us, not even members of our own team, are the same as the other, or as enlightened.
Posted by durban bud at 11:08 PM | Comments (20)
August 17, 2009
Reel Affirmations
This movie looks amazing!
The legendary writer, director, producer AND lead actor of Ben & Arthur, Sam Mraovich, has his very own Facebook fan page called 'A tribute to the genius of Sam Mraovich.' Seriously!
A recent update to his tribute groups' page reads: "We are very excited to announce that Sam is working on two new screenplays he will direct and produce and will subsequently be releasing 'How To Write A Screenplay.' Finally, all the trade secrets we could possibly desire!"
There IS a God!
Via HuffPost
Posted by durban bud at 10:31 PM | Comments (7)
July 21, 2009
Bruno Review
I liked it. But I've always been a fan.
Posted by durban bud at 5:01 PM | Comments (2)
January 12, 2009
Durban Bud's Guide to the Cinema
A bunch of us masc/musc/mil homos went to see Doubt over the weekend. Before I get to my review of it, let's address the pink elephant in the room: Doubt should be spelled Dowt, or Dout. There is no need for the silent B, other than to appear pretentious and Tim Gunn-y, and it makes some people (not me) pronounce it as "Doob-T"," similar to "Duped!" Think about it.
Anyway, here is my review of Dowt:
It was good!
It made me think: what is the truth, and what are people's real motives? Everyone is suspect now. Question EVERYTHING. Trust no one. I also thought, wow, Philip Seymour Hoffman kinda looks like Perez Hilton's slightly older, less annoying brother.
After the movie someone close to me (who I now keep at a distance) said, "Oprah's weight gain announcement came at a perfect time. She really lucked out now that everyone's depressed, broke and getting fatter."
Then I thought, OMG -- was this all planned? Did they hold a meeting in mid-2007 and say, "Guuuurl, your ratings are slipping and your negatives are going up, thanks to your endorsement of The Ssssecret; we need to stop the bleeding. You need to really connect with your audience again so they feel that you are still one of them. Here's what we can do: you need to pig out for the next year. Eat, Oprah, eat. I know you can. I seen you do it. Pretend you're doing it for a movie role. Have fun with it! Then, in a year, you can be all, 'I got fat, y'all, cuz of stress and the economy.' People will eat that shit up. Then Dr. Oz and Bob Greene can run from network to network explaining your rapid weight gain with 'See, she's just like everyone else,' while also pimping out their new book and upcoming TV show, produced by Oprah. Goldmine for everyone!"
A week ago, if someone had relayed that theory to me, I would have said: "Rubbish!" But now, after watching Dowt, things are no longer black or white. Things are gray -- unless you're Tim Gunn, then, of course, they are grey.
We also saw Slumdog Millionaire. I thought it was fucking brilliant! I'm just kidding. I thought it was pretty damn good, but nowhere near the hefty accolades everyone else is throwing its way. I think it's because I didn't really buy the romance between the two kids. And I didn't think the actress who played the grown girl was particularly...good. But that's just me. Everyone else LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. But the whole Millionaire scenario with his knowledge of the answers explained in flashbacks was bloody genius.
Strangely -- or maybe this was a marketing ploy! -- since seeing that movie both me and Rob have been craving Indian food. That's never happened before. We ordered a feast from Jyoti in Adam's Morgan last weekend. PIG FEST! Oprah would have loved hanging with us while she was prepping for her ratings stunt. I had no idea what I was ordering because I've never really been down with Indian food, but let's just say my Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo selection technique totally worked. Can't wait to have it again on my Body For Life eat-anything-I-want day!
We also saw Marley & Me over the holidays. I was surprised by how much I liked it. So much so, that at one point during the film, I held up my finger to my face, red-rum style, and made it say, "You're really diggin' this dog flick, aren't you?" I started blushing and giggling and was all, "Yeah, I am. I really am."
There's a major twist toward the end of the film. But I DO NOT want to give away the surprise. I'll only say that I almost cried when the dog died. That's all I'm sayin'. You'll just have to see it for yourself.
And of course I thought Milk was brilliant, but I could be biased because I'm into bangin' dudes. Though, straight people seem to be enjoying it too.
So here's my movie review breakdown (out of 10):
Milk: 9
Dowt: 8.5
Slumdog Millionaire: 8.0
Marley & Me: 7.5
Think about it, carefully.
Posted by durban bud at 9:07 PM | Comments (16)
November 11, 2008
Keeps Gettin' Better
Tina Yothers, who played little Jennifer Keaton on Family Ties, has a greatest hits album coming out soon. Maybe you should buy it.
I've seen a couple movies at the theaters recently. I saw Religulous. Good movie. Rent it on DVD when it comes out.
On Sunday, I rounded up Rob and our Latino house-boy Carlos to go see the critically-acclaimed Jonathan Demme picture, Rachel Getting Married, starring Anne Hathaway.
I felt bad because neither Rob nor Carlos knew anything about it, but they trusted my judgment. I kept saying, "It's from the director of Silence of the Lambs! It must be good." Sadly, no. It was painfully tedious.
There were a couple scenes that just went on and on and on. And on. One scene featured two men holding a contest on who could load a dishwasher the fastest. The entire thing was frenetically documented. I finally stood on my seat and screamed, "OKAY, WE FUCKING GET IT! THEY BOTH HAVE DISHWASHER LOADING SKILLS! MOVE ON DOT ORG!" Then there was a scene that took place at a wedding reception detailing everyone dancing and carrying on. And by everyone, I mean everyone in the entire cast. After about 20 minutes of watching EVERYONE dancing and carrying on, I looked at Rob and Carlos, and they just glared at me like I was Joe Lieberman or something.
I appreciate art-house films. I dig the independent voices that create some of the edgiest movies. I enjoy the superior feeling I get when I frequent the E Street Cinemas in downtown DC and take a latte into the theater. But every film needs to be edited down to prevent the attendees from losing their shit and attacking each other.
Luckily there was a mentally disturbed woman, resembling a pre-born again Anne Rice, sitting directly behind us, mumbling to herself in Italian and occasionally clapping loudly during inappropriate scenes. At least she was entertaining.
Posted by durban bud at 9:35 AM | Comments (9)
December 29, 2006
Another Awful Gay Movie
[begin bitch]
I rented "Another Gay Movie" yesterday. That's another hour and a half of my life I won't get back. I should have known better, since I've already mentioned my dilemma with gay cinema.
I'm all for gross humor, but it should be somewhat clever. I watched it based on a certain birthday blogger's post that said:
"...it was raunchy and silly and good for some gut laughs....Hilarity ensues, with lots of penis and butt gags."
He must have been inebriated when he saw it, or text messaging potential BMB playmates. That would explain the gut laughs. I wish he had mentioned we would see Richard Hatch's repulsive penis. I nearly upchucked my spaghetti-o's with meatballs when I saw that, but luckily, I swallowed them back down.
This could have been a funny movie. I get that they were playing on extreme stereotypes and whatnot, but suggesting that fingering a guy's asshole feels like a spinach quiche is simply not true; it's much closer to a bundt cake with cream frosting. And no one masterbates with a condom on a cucumber! Except my ex.
Dumb.
And I was all excited to get Logo when we upgraded to digital cable. I have yet to watch anything on it. Every time I want to see what's on, it's fucking Queer as Folk, again. That was bad enough the first time around. Are there no other shows? If they're gonna keep playing the same old shit, they should just loop Tales of the City.
And what's up with John Mayer's hair?!?
[end bitch]
For now.
Posted by durban bud at 12:34 AM | Comments (8)
November 5, 2006
Hey Man, Nice Shot
So I finally saw Shortbus today. It was definitely interesting. I felt 3 things when it was over. 1) I felt like engaging in slutty behavior, again. 2) I felt like I may have acquired an STD. 3) I felt I need to see it again cuz I'm not sure I understood everything.
Are we to seek out sex with other people to make our own relationship with our partner better? Was this the Price of Tides with actual penetration shown, ya know, close ups of Mr. Nolte's hard cock pounding Ms. Streisand's shaved beaver? Hmmm, dunno.
The acting was better than I thought it would be. The actors were pretty brave to show us everything: lots and lots of hard penises, penetration, cooters, rimming, tits, flogging, orgies, orgasms and even some autofellatio!
I also saw Borat today. It was very good, not great; but I chalk that up to reading too many reviews and interviews beforehand. I kinda knew what was gonna happen. Plus, I had to take a wicked piss throughout the movie, so that could have influenced my vote.
On the DVD I hope they include some interviews with some of the people who got punk'd. Most of these people deserved to be put up there on the big screen for all too see, showcasing all their racism, sexism and homophobia. But I wonder how this will play in Middle America; I kinda doubt most of them will get the joke(s).
Both movies contained a lot of nudity. One thing is fer sure; I don't need to see anymore movies with that much nakedness for like another day.
Posted by durban bud at 12:27 AM | Comments (4)
August 9, 2006
Homo Cinema
Are there any good gay movies?
Yeah, yeah, there is Brokeback Mountain and Longtime Companion but they were both depressing. Excellent, but depressing. And Trick was cute. But, are those the only ones?
Tos told me to rent Gay Sex in the 70's. It was okay. Nothing spectacular. I felt kinda dirty after it, so I took a shower.
I love documentaries. I would like to make one about gay men who constantly stroke their coarse eyebrow hair as they age, but I don't think anyone would want to see it.
I've been to the gay film festivals, but the majority of the films are crap. Sorry, but it's true.
I want to see a thriller or something with gay main characters, like Single White Female or the Bourne Supremacy. In fact, it'd be cool to see Jimbo in a Bourne Supremacy type role, or maybe We, Like Sheep as the gay roommate with a moustache terrorizing poor Bridget Fonda in a Single White Female remake. I can see the tag line now, "Living with a neurotic gay roommate can be murder." I would totally see that.
Maybe someday.
Posted by durban bud at 7:03 PM | Comments (11)
December 18, 2005
My Own Private Wyoming
Last night we went to see Brokeback Mountain. I thoroughly enjoyed it. A good movie to me is something that makes you actually think and usually stays with you well after the movie is over. This was/is definitely one of them. In fact, I found it disturbing and emotional on many levels. It had some elements that were reminiscent to me of "My Own Private Idaho," only much more intense.
If you have not seen the movie, avoid reading the rest cuz I will ruin it for you.
Most of those that did not like the film did not like it for one of the following reasons:
1). It is too slow-paced and there is no Hollywood ending
2). It's not "Too Wong Foo" with Cowboys
3). Nathan Lane did not provide catty voice-overs for any of the sheep
4). It was too depressing
5). The book was better
6). Mariah Carey didn't sing "Hero" over the end credits
7). It wasn't emotional enough
8). Movies with gay themes MUST have gay actors in them
9). Self-loathing
I think this film can have an impact on anyone but I especially believe that to be true of people that have grown up in small towns or witnessed these types of places on a regular basis.
My parents are from a place very similar to where Ennis (Heath Ledger) grew up. We would visit every year. There were windy roads and hills and trailers and "hollers" and no restaurants and lots of coal trucks and one A & P. The only thing to do is get married young and have babies and work hard labor (and/or be an alcoholic or have a heavy addiction to painkillers), rinse & repeat. They talk in an accent that is so southern it is almost unrecognizable.
I always imagined what my life would have been like if my parents did not choose to flee in the mid-60's. I believe I would have been a lot like Ennis. I would probably be married with kids in a pathetic relationship with an unsatisfied wife. God knows what kind of job I would have had down there. The majority work in the coal mines and, um, I just can't picture myself doing that. I could picture myself secretly getting away to meet some guy I actually liked spending time with. It would have been an awful existence. Yet, some people are forced to do it because they don't want to get killed or hurt. And I guarantee you, if I were raised there and "found out," one of those two things would have happened. Oh, and I probably wouldn't have a blog either. What a pity that would be.
I saw the movie with Rob, Joe, Ira (aka Suitcase Sally) and Randy (aka Manhattan Furball). Randy also knew people like those depicted in the film from his upbringing in Texas. I'm sure we all know people like this.
Heath Ledger was awesome (even if he did talk like Sling Blade). The scenes where he and Jack would fight and then kiss and cuddle were both devastating, brutal, tender and hot all at the same time.
There were several parts of the movie that I didn't understand and/or like though. For example:
* I think I know who is responsible for Jack's death but I did not understand his parents' reaction.
* Ennis's reaction towards Jack after 4 years of not seeing him seemed odd to me. I know he is a guy who keeps all his emotions inside but it did not feel right since, apparently, several of the intimate scenes between the two men on the mountain were not shown. This was evident in the flashback towards the end when Ennis puts his arms around Jack. Had they been shown, I think this may have "felt" more right. If he avoided him for 4 years, I think he also would have been much more careful trying to shelter his "greeting" of Jack from his wife.
* I wish they had shown more intimacy between the guys during their first duration on the mountain. They seemed to be always fighting or having rough sex.
* Why did they both punch each other (especially Jack since he seemed to be the more sensitive one)? He laid the first punch.
* Did they know each other were gay before they had sex? One of them made a comment that, "They don't like people like us." Was he referring to being gay?
* And lastly, and this needs to be said, it would take a lot more spit than what was used to have butt sex. If that is really all they used, Jack wouldn't have been able to walk the next day and definitely wouldn't have been able to ride a horse. That's a fact. 'Mmm'kay?
* I love Jake Gyllenhaal as an actor. Seems like a great guy and he was brave to take on this role. But I have to say it. Unfortunately, I don't think his acting was very good in this film.
* Heath Ledger is hot. I never noticed this before. Michelle Williams is a lucky girl. She was also fantastic in her role.
I definitely want to get the DVD and watch it with a group of people so we can debate some of these aspects together. Some of these things may have been obvious to others but I'm a little slower than most.
Oh, and the author of the book loved the movie.
Again, I thought this was a great, thought-provoking film. And, yes, I shed a few tears.
Posted by durban bud at 10:32 AM | Comments (4)